Junior Year: Came up with capstone idea with Daquan Carr
August 31, 2016: I met with my new mentee, Xabriel, and seen what other mentees the assistant princpal has for me.
September 6, 2016: Daquan and I created the rules and expectations for middle school mentees
September 7, 2016: I met with L. B and interviewed him. Then he was paired up with Daquan on the 8th.
September 9, 2016: Daquan and I met with Mrs. Boutilier, and we discussed some restrictions on the mentors and how the mentors will be selected.
September 12, 2016: We met with Mrs. Bertero who had three people in mind for mentees. We interviewed all three mentees and paired P.B with Alan Walker. After meeting with each mentee we are looking for possible matches.
September 13, 2016: Mrs. Zamorski reviewed our letter to the parents of mentees and gave corrections. Alan and P. B were paired today. We sent emails to all seniors requesting mentors.
September 14, 2016: Daquan and I met with Mrs.Boutilier and planned a date to meet with all mentors.
September 15, 2016: Daquan and I introduce ourselves to the parents of mentees on mentoring and gave out explanations on it during the Open House. In the morning, my mentee changed his view on himself from negative to positive. During the Open House, I met with my mentee, Xabriel, who gave me some trouble and decided not to listen. He was frustrated at his grades going down and began to give attitude to me. After asking him multiple times to read a paragraph out loud he decided not to do it. I made it clear to him, that he needs to think about his decision but he still refused to listen and bottled up more and more anger. Few minutes after his mom came and saw me aggravated but she didn't really help the situation. Towards the end of open house when his mom was visiting his last block, he stated, “can I leave?” I packed up his things and told him go ahead. He stopped and thought. Suddenly, his mom came again but then ran back upstairs to meet another teacher, He had his bag on his back, ready to leave but he stood right in front of me, He had that look that he wanted to say something but he didn’t. I asked him, “What’s wrong I thought you wanted to leave?” He then started crying saying, “ I am really sorry for the way I acted and I am sorry for wasting your time”. I went over to him and he gave me hug. I finally got through to him today, through tough love.
September 19, 2016: X broke down on me and gave me a lot of attitude today. He got a writing assignment from because of it. Later today he went home and texted me that he was acting like that because he felt embarrassed. I said, “but that doesn’t excuse you from your assignment or allow you to give me an attitude.” Then he said .”never mind.” A couple minutes later he apologized to me but thought I didn't expect it.Later that night he told me that he wants to talk about everything tomorrow and is sorry for the way he was acting. When I agreed to discuss it, he told me about another one of his 7th grade friends that is getting bullied. I told him thanks for telling me and we’ll handle it. Today I felt like, in general we clashed heads and my usual approach will not work on him. I’m waiting for tomorrow to see what happens.
September 20, 2016: X told me that he gets embarrassed easily and he doesn’t mean to act the way that he did yesterday. Then he says that no one understands him. When he said this I realized that the approach I am taking with him, isn’t going to work with the approach I took with my last year mentee. Today I learned that every kid responds to different things in different ways and the approach X responds to best is when one makes him feel comfortable and good about himself. I tried it today and we had a much better day. He smiled and went home very happy. I felt good about the new approach and making him go home happy made me feel better. We had a long talk today after school and he said he wants to be a mentor. I was surprised when he said this, but very glad he did. After our long conversation he gets a text from his dad telling him to come outside, He stands in front of me without saying a word. I told him, “Isn’t your dad outside?” He said, “yeah I’m going.” But yet, he stood there in silence. I said. “what’s wrong?”
He replied. “Nothing.” His face got red and he had a huge smile on his face. I thought in my head, “whats going on?” I said, what you wanted a hug?” He had an even bigger smile and nodded and He came over and hugged me. I realize now that this new approach is better than my others and although I never tried this one, It seems to work well with him. For now on I’m going to focus more and put more emphasis on something he does good and make sure he feels good that he did opposed to focus on his the negatives of his day. I hope this works for the remainder of the year.
September 21, 2016: X changed his whole demeanor and attitude towards school. He began listening to the teachers and showing respect and care for school. Today, when going up the stairs he picks up garbage on the stairs and tells me, “Jeff, people keep dirtying my school.” I was shocked to hear that come from, knowing weeks ago he didn’t really care. He is starting to follow in my footsteps.
September 22, 2016: I met with X in the morning and taught him how to do Kinetic and Potential energy problem. After 4 problem he began getting excited and said he can’t wait to go to science class. He also said to me he wants to become a great mentor and help other kids out. When he told me this I told him that mentors are role models of the school and have people look up to them. As a joke I said, teach another mentor how to do these Kinetic and Potential energy problem. I called one in and he taught her exactly how to do it. He was confident in himself for the first time. When going upstairs he picked up more trash on the stairs and threw it out. When I brought him to his locker, I told him to behave himself for the day and asked him if he was going to make me proud. He replied, “Yeah.” As I turned around to walk into a another middle school class he took baby steps behind me. I turned away and he had a shy face on with a big smile. I asked him. “did you want something?” He didn’t reply and just continued to walks back words with a shy face. Then I told him,”Oh, I know what you want.” His smile got bigger and suddenly ran to hug me. At that moment I felt like I was actually getting through to him and he really appreciates everything I’m doing for him. Later that day, the assistant principal and his science teacher complimented on how I was doing. When I was walking in the hallway he called me into his science classroom. He was so excited telling me, “ Jeff, come here I’m showing everybody how to do it.” When I walked in I heard his teacher say, “If anyone needs help X is coming around.” X was doing some science problems on the board, teaching the other students in his class. He said to me, “Jeff, I’m smart.” I said, “ you are smart X.” He said, “Yeah thanks to you helping me.”
September 28, 2016: Mentor changed to middle school principal Mrs, Bertero
October 2, 2016: The parents of my mentee sent a message to Mrs. bertero saying that X finally feels that somebody actually likes him at school and his confidence has improved immensely because of the me. They requested to take me out to dinner.
October 6, 2016: I observed a lot of mentors walking the middle school halls other than myself and Daquan. Seeing different mentors with middle schoolers in the halls and in the library made me feel like this is actually working and the mentors are actually working hard at it. Viewing more senior presence in the middle school has caused a lot of other middle school students to want mentors but I was feel like we are accomplishing something that will benefit all these mentees. I will begin to start looking for more senior mentors and maybe junior mentors.
October 12, 2016: X feels angry about and is heading in the backwards direction in behaviors. His grades is slipping drastically and I cannot figure out what is the real problem. Emotionally, I have realized he lost belief in himself and his self-esteem lowered but I have been searching on ways to build his self-esteem up.
October 13, 2016: X feels excited after school about something. After realizing it I asked him “what was up?” His cheeks turned red again and he made his shy face and spoke with his shy voice and said. “I want you to come to my game and see me play.” I told him maybe, it depends in how he behaves today. This switched his behavior completely which helped me realize that maybe it is a good idea to give them some kind of reward for the behaving once (although I don’t believe in doing this).
October 14, 2016: I went to X’s basketball game later today at the Boys and Girls Club and he tried showing off on the court once I got there in the middle of the first half, but he was happy I came. I also met X’s other mentor at his basketball game, who has been working with him in the previous years. He told me to contact him if I ever needed help with him and he said he wanted me to stay on X. We exchanged phone number and then was introduced to X’s basketball coach who told me to let him know if he gives me any trouble at school. I also met a person who’s been in X’s life and helps him whenever he needs it and we also exchanged numbers. Being able to meet so many people especially an adult mentor who has been helping the same kid I am was a great experience and gave us a lot to talk about. I will be in contact with him soon to let him know how X is doing and maybe pick up on a view ways on how to handle X in some situations but doing it in my style of mentoring.
October 17, 2016: Daquan’s mentee L. has stopped his negative behavior towards the mentors after having bonded with him myself for the last couple weeks. He comes up to me and says hello and he says “the mentoring is starting to help”. This was incredibly unexpected to hear out of L but I believe if I or Daquan continues to bond with him and not look at him as a trouble maker or bad kid then he can actually change his behavior in school.
October 21, 2016: Began with new mentee E.G. He is very timid and quiet but inside I can tell he is excited and wants a mentor. I’m thinking I should start off with a laid back approach and then gradually get tougher as the week goes on. With E.G I believe this will be a very interesting experience.
October 24, 2016: New mentee E.G is doing perfectly. He listened well and cooperates with whatever is being said to him. He still is a little shy but he has the utmost respect for me. He wrote on “Mentee quick check-up” sheet that he sees me as a big brother figure in his life. When I read this, we discussed it and he needs that type of figure to believe in him and keep him on track. As E.G progress continues to develop well, X goes further downhill. Whenever E.G is awarded for outstanding performance in school or behavior X gets jealous which triggers him to misbehave. I have been observing this for awhile. I will be asking my mentor and other mentors of different ways to deal with this jealousy issue. This jealous has come to the point where X is coming across as disrespectful towards me.
October 28, 2016: On a weekly reflection from X, he writes “my mentor did not help and shows no interest in me.” This was really shocking to me but I didn’t confront him about it because I assume it has to do with the ongoing jealousy of E.G progress. Next monday I will make it very clear that I have no favorites to the both of them, On a better note, E.G wrote that he thinks I am “nice” and he wrote for his next week goal, “hand in all work...make jeffrey proud”. This was nice for him to write that and when I asked him about he said he doesn’t want to get me mad because he doesn't want me to be mad at him. He said it wouldn't make him feel good. I replied, that's nice E.G. I think E.G is benefitting from the program and having me as a mentor completely. Many teachers as well as his mother have commented that he is benefitting from the mentoring program attitude wise. He also believe this as well. His grades are improving and confidence in himself is as well.
October 30, 2016: I sat down with X to discuss the recent issues with his other mentor outside of school. He express how he has been feeling and he thinks my approach with him is to aggressive and that he doesn’t feel safe with me when I yell at him. When I heard this comment, I was shocked that he said this because it was the first I had ever heard this from one of my mentees. After this meeting, I thought hard about my approach to my mentees and I decided after a lot of thought that I will not be changing it. I made this choice because I can’t allow them to make me feel guilty into babying them because this will not get them ready for high school. Sometimes it's hard for me to be really hard on them for a little incident but I am going to continue because it will help them start thinking more before they act. I spoke with Daquan about my decision and he agrees completely. I also thought about the other things he said and I thought to myself, “ he never felt this way when I didn’t have E.G.” I still believe there is a jealousy part in the way he's acting but won’t admit to it, I also typed up a media release form that goes home to the families of all mentees so we can take a picture together.
November 1, 2016: E.G and X both struggled with the science calculations for mechanical advantage. I turned the science calculations into competitive game between the both of them after giving them triangles on how to do each problem. Whoever got the question right first got either a krabby patty, jolly rancher or a snickers. When E.G was winning 5 times in a row X got jealous and said the game was meant for E.G to win. I encouraged him again to continue and explained it again to him and he won a lot of candy afterwards.
November 3, 2016: I spoke with my mentor about having a field trip for all he mentees to go to a Uconn basketball game. She said she would call some of her contacts at Uconn and see what she can do in terms of prices. X has behaved well for the past two days after the meeting. Hopefully it continues.
November 4, 2016: I got really mad at X for lying to his mom about something I said in the morning. I raised my voice a few times and he just got up and left without saying a word while I was talking. I never had mentee do that to me before. Maybe it's not working and he needs another one that he could respond to better, I’m almost out of ideas. I will speak to my mentor on how I should confront the situation because it's coming across as intentional disrespect towards me. Later today though, he did apologize for it and said it was disrespectful to do that to me. I appreciated that he realized it was wrong but I am going to meet with my mentor next monday.
November 7, 2016: For my birthday, E.G and X pitched in together and bought me purple pens because they know how much I like using purple gel pens and the significance of the color purple to me. It was touching how they both did this and X write on a paper “happy birthday jeff”. I really appreciated that the both of them did this for me. E.G got in trouble later that day for the first time he has had me as his mentor. He seems very timid when I get mad at him so I tried not to show it but I did have to discipline him with an assignment. Although I’m used to discipling mentees with an assignment it was really hard for me to do that to E.G because he is such a good kid who made one bad choice. Also, I tried making up with X by giving him a hug and telling him we will discuss everything tomorrow on election day. Also later that day after school, I had to break up two mentees that were about to fight in front of me, One was in high school and the other in eighth grade. This was my first time breaking up an altercation that has escalated that far where they are both in each others faces. After I separated them, I talked to both separately and did a mediation between the both of them. They both shook hands and hopeful the problem is now resolved. It was a tough birthday day today.
November 8, 2016: Today I got to the bottom of the issue with X so I decided to meet up with him outside of school and discuss the situation. He was told me how he was feeling which basically described jealousy for me and E.G. He also told me that he wanted to know more about me other than I’m his mentor. He wants to know about my life and who I am. I was surprised by this, I had no idea he even thought like that. He said he wants me to be able to trust him the same way he feels he can trust me. After the talk he finally had the smile again, that I haven’t seen in awhile and his cheeks got red again. By having him for a long time now I already know what that means, so I gave him a hug. He told me he feels loved and that he loves me as his mentor.
November 10, 2016: Today was a half day and I told them they both didn’t have to hang around after school if they really didn’t want too. X decided to go home but E.G. wanted to stay after with me. So i used that time to get to know him much better because he is fairly new. He gave me input on how he thinks how the mentoring is going and he likes the way I mentor. He thinks I’m nice and he surprisingly gave me all positive review. After I played basketball with E.G for a couple hours, When he got hungry, we went to the cafe down the street and ate together. While eating I taught him a little about responsibility and how that will help him get his grades up and improve his relationships with his peers and teachers. While walking back he seemed very happy to be hanging out today. When we got back to the school he played 1 on 1 versus a high school soccer player; He was very excited to be playing him but scared to play him because he was taller than him. After a couple more games we went into the library and because we had 45 minutes left until his mom got to the school, I used that time to get to know him more personally. We did the about me project that I made and while answering one of the questions on the personal section his response to the question was very touching. The question asked who does he love specifically in his life. At first he said he didn’t know so I told him to start with his mother and continue on. He then said, “my family and well your part of my family to so yeah.” It took me a minute to understand what he said but when I realized it I smiled. On another question he answered that he will come to if there is anything wrong or what anything he’s opposed to his friends. When I asked why, his response was, because “they don’t give a crap, when I talk to you, you do.” After today I finally realized how this kid feels about mentoring and a lot more that I never even suspected. It was very surprising but it was touching at the same time.
November 14, 2016: X wasted an hour and thirty minutes of my time. He took about 10 minutes to get his homework out and 7 more minutes to actually get started. When he finally started, we started doing the math together because I assumed that was the only way I was going to get him to do work. After I helped through most of the questions on the fourth to last one I saw he was not even attempting the problems. I asked him a basic math fact (-3+1) and he answers 24 and then starts counting down. After this I got annoyed and said I’m not going to try harder than you.
He sat there for an hour and did completely nothing. During the whole time I prompted him to start another assignment or finish the back page of the math he continued to sit there and when his ride came he had the nerve to tell me that I didn’t tell him what he had to do. After this I said Ok and let him go.
November 15, 2016: This morning E.G. had to go take the reading test. As I saw X, I said to him, “Do you have anything you want to say about yesterday”? He said “well, I mean I was doing my homework…” And I replied “really? Ok X go to tigertime”
November 17, 2016: I called XB on not completing his history and math homework and told him it was his responsibility to get it done and know what the homework is. He got mad at me because I held him accountable for it and he began to talk back and acting belligerent so I had to stop helping E.G. to address the rude behavior. He then asked to leave and I allowed him to leave but then I called him back because I had to finish something with the both of them. So I had to stop what I was doing with E.G. to tell them both the last two things. After I finished that I told him he can go upstairs and I continued talking to E.G. about responsibility. Two minutes later he got up and left.
November 18, 2016: Today E.G. came to me in the morning on time without X. I asked where is X and he said that X went directly upstairs. I later found out today that he was instructed by his mother to go to Art class because he told his mom that I was choosing not to help him which is a complete lie. So I went around calling to see if he went to fitness club instead of coming to me but apparently he went upstairs and back to art. He said he went to go talk to the vice principle which he didn’t. When I saw him in the hall I asked what is he doing, and if he was coming? He replied no and then I said so you're not being mentored anymore? And he turned his back on me and mumbled something under his breathe. I had 2 mentors talk to him today. One of which decided to take him on instead because apparently he responds more to Alan. And later today he was happy that he had a new mentor so let’s see how it goes. During myth block class, my english teacher who is also my capstone teacher gave me great advice which really got me thinking. She told me not to let X take control and think he’s in power and when something doesn’t ges his way that he won’t switch mentors. This power roll she told me about really got me thinking about the past with X this year and I thought about it a little more 5th block while doing my work out. After school today I discussed this switch with the vice principal and she said we will both decide monday instead of making an early hasty decision. She also was going to email his mom about what’s going on. Personally, I like X, I think he has the potential to do much better and me being the way that I am with him is introducing a strictness that wasn’t really enforced or even introduced to him before this school year. Part of me thinks it will be a good to have him be happy with another mentor and learn from someone else even though I know he won’t learn the same things that he would learn from me. The other part of me wants to keep him because this is what’s going to benefit him for high school, Honestly, I will continue to do my best for E.G. who isn’t fazed by this at all. If X wants to come back and be mentored by me then, in my opinion, that will be a smart choice. Right now, I’m struggling with the choice of forcing him to stay with me as his mentor or he gets no mentor at all. I don’t want to have him feel force but I also don’t want him to think he can just switch the power roll to himself like he has done in previous years. Also staying with me would benefit him a lot and really get him ready for highschool.
November 20, 2016: It’s almost thanksgiving and I started looking for something to get E.G. for christmas. He gave me his letter to santa on friday and it's interesting but I was really proud of him over this weekend, His grades increased drastically with the exception of one class. He also defended me in a situation with another mentee parent who assumed and questioned about the way I mentored. That was cool of him to not only tell the truth but to also defend what I do and the rules I set out. I’m glad he thinks that I am a really good mentor and that what I do may seem harsh or blunt but it's out of care and love which will benefit him for the future. I also thought a lot about X and it really hit me today while doing my calculus homework. I achieved the goal that I first set out with him which was get him eligible to play basketball for the school, something he has always dreamed of since he first started at our school. We achieved that goal. Part of me thought that’s kind of crazy that he wants another mentor after I helped him achieve his dream of making the grades and playing for the school team. But I thought again about the greater good in my opinion he will benefit from the way I am mentoring but whatever happens tomorrow, whether he switches or not, I won’t personalize it. I learned this from speaking with my mentor a little bit after school friday and with another one of our mentors. It’s not a failure in mentoring but it was success in the goal that was set to achieve in the beginning of the year. Although, I stay trying to think this way, what my capstone teacher told me really has me conflicted of what I should do. This is probably the hardest thing to make a decision about and is the only thing that has got me really thinking over a weekend in the whole two years I have been mentoring. I don’t really know what that means, either I’m growing up more or I’m stuck in this train of thought for some reason. I think I’ll talk a little more to my capstone teacher, Daquan, and my mentor tomorrow. Regardless of what happens, I will continue to do my best and make a difference in the lives of these middle school students.
Also today, I continued working on my mentoring manual for the new mentors next year who decide to take this on as their capstone next year. I think it's coming along great. I also printed out the thanksgiving mentor evaluation assessment for my mentees that I;m now going to give to E.G. only. I wonder what his evaluation will look like.
November 21 2016: It's official! X has now gone with another mentor. After having a meeting with my mentor and discussing it and making a phone call to the mom, it has been decided that he will see another mentor. As much as he was a pain, I still enjoyed having him as a mentee, I will give him one last paper to do for me and that will be all. I hope his new mentor can bring him further than I did. On a good note though, E.G. has really been doing better academically and I got him a prize for tomorrow which he asked for christmas but I got it before the thanksgiving break for him. I got him Black Op3 for his good work this month and shift into good behavior this month. This kid really made me proud. I know I’m a tough mentor and everyday I’m tough on him and some things I say to him may come across as harsh so hopefully this will make him happy. Over this past week though, I learned a lot about mentoring and the hardest lesson is knowing when to let go. I believe I can take X further but I maybe overthinking it and he may not think so. He was supposed to get his prize tomorrow too which I bought in advance for him a week ago. I will just hold on to it and maybe see if E.G. likes it, Today I also handed another problem between one of my mentors and another mentor mentee. The mentee was angry with another mentor for ratting him out to his mentor but I cleared the air between them two. I also have a kid that I see every day who isn’t technically my mentee but I treat him like one because he's such a great kid. He’s been having terrifying nightmares that is affecting him at school . He isn’t sleeping anymore and tries not to sleep at school because he seems the same image in his head every time when he closes his eyes. I know he doesn’t want me to tell anyone but I think it is worth it to break the trust and inform the middle school guidance counselor. I’ll have her do it in a way that he won’t feel I broke his trust, He just doesn't want his parents called. This is another struggle I hate dealing with; when is it the right time to break their trust and tell an adult.I tried having him come forward to tell an adult himself but it's not happening so I guess I will tomorrow.
November 22, 2016: E.G. handed me the evaluation today and I was completely shocked on what he wrote. He rated me with 10’s straight across the board. Some things he said made me so proud to be his mentor. For example he wrote. “Jeffrey is the best mentor ever. He’s trash at ball but is very nice. This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for Jeff as my mentor,” When I saw this I was shocked that he even thought about writing that. I was also surprised to his answer to the question, “how does the mentor-mentee bond make him feel. He wrote. “Good, because now I have someone to talk to (Big Brother), there is someone there for me. Someone to depend on to see. Someone to give me advice and be a male role model in my life.” Various times he says he sees me as an older brother that he has always wanted and that made me realize how much this kid appreciates what I’m doing for him. This is why I mentor, in hopes of changing a kid’s life with someone he/she may need. I honestly think with E,G, I have done this and he has left me speechless. For his great effort this month I went out and got him Black Ops 3. He was so happy when he got it. He felt that he made me proud and he thanked me more than four times, I also noticed on the folder I gave him to put his homework in, he wrote on the front “Moose Jr.” When I asked him about it he was got a little shy and said that he was moose jr. He also said for christmas he was going to buy me a sweater that has my jersey number in the back and the words moose on it and one for himself that has his jersey number and moose jr on it. I was once again speechless and in shock. Honestly I almost got emotional because I felt that. Also on his project that we worked together after school for his science class he put his name and the moose, where he was supposed to put his name.He said I deserve credit to because he wouldn't be able to do it without me. This kid has been catching me off guard and surprising all day today. Before he left for Massachusetts for thanksgiving break today, he hugged me and said “love you moose.” These are the kind of mentoring relationships that I want other mentors and mentees to have, These kind of relationships changes lives and that's what the mentoring program is all about, I feel very proud to be the mentor of E.G.and I hope the other mentors achieves this kind of success with their mentees.
December 1, 2016: Another mentor and I met this kid who we have seen around alot. He seems to be slipping but has so much potential to perform better academically. He's on our radar now and we both thought a mentor is exactly what he needs, When we asked him he declined right away thinking mentors were for troubled kids. After an explanation on what we do, I’m letting him sit on it until tomorrow and see what he thinks.
December 2, 2016: It has been a very interesting week. Today I worked on my mentoring manual and the pairing list. I got K to admit he needs a mentor and to join the program, I set the rules for him and he seems happy to have one which is great. N has some trouble today and said nobody cared about him except for me. Although it was nice, I let him know he shouldn’t be feeling that way. But more kids are asking for mentors and now it seems like I may have to open it up to some choice juniors. Overall the mentoring program has gotten a lot of good reports and seems to be very beneficial to the kids which is good but I will be take a break from it for awhile. When I told the kids that they got mad but I think I really need it especially cause basketball season is just starting. I need to really focus on balancing basketball and school work now. I’ll have to find a time for my mentees,
December 8, 2016: I am so proud of my mentee E.G. He has worked his butt off for me for the last month and half improving his grades from F’s to B’s and C’s. He has really impressed and when I asked what was his key motivation to do this and he said, I was his motivation to do well in school and believe in himself. Honestly. I’m proud of his progress and I think he should be rewarded for such great efforts. I also made a breakthrough with N. It took awhile but today he said thanks for caring about how he actually feels. These breakthroughs are the reasons why I keep mentoring because the feeling one gets when they reach one child is great. K is coming along great, adapting to my style of mentoring and behavioral expectations in the classroom. Overall the program has been going smoothly with only 1 recent situation between a mentor and mentee but this will eventually be solved. I regret some choices I made in the past and have now reflected upon them now to help some other mentors out with their situations tomorrow.
December 14, 2016: I have been thinking about doing something in January for National Mentoring month but I don’t know what to do. I am going to Plan a meeting with all the mentors to get some ideas.
December 16, 2016: Today was probably the best mentoring day I have ever experienced. There is this kid who was rude to me and another mentor throughout the whole year and all of a sudden about a week ago asked for a mentor. It seemed weird to the both of us but we still considered him and told him the previous behavior was unacceptable. Today we saw him in the office holding the side of his ribs. He didn’t want to tell administration what happened to him,he just continued to act shady about it. Me and a mentor pulled him away and talked to him alone and he at first, was acting shady about the whole situation and what happened to him but when I started telling him my life story and connected with him, he began to spill what happened to him. When he told us what happened I immediately went the vice principal and asked her for her to call home because I believe N should stay after today. I later filled her in on whats going on with him and how serious his case was. He was jumped the day before and he told me he was seeking revenge. He also said he was initiated into this group in the beginning of the year and that people from the latin gang was coming after them. He expressed how he always had to look over his shoulder and can trust no one. WHen he said this I stopped him and gave him probably one of the best speeches I have ever given, emphasizes success, pain, life choices and reality. I don't where the speech even came from but it just came out because I related to his situation so much. After the speech he said he wants to get out of his group and that he trusts me. With that trust I had him delete all contacts of everyone in his group i front of me. I then had him write down the names of everybody in his group. I don’t know why I made him write their names down but I thought it would be useful to administration. At first he questioned as to why and then wrote their street names but after a little more pushing he gave me the first and last names of each individual. The vice principal called peace builders to bring home today and then told me I saved a life today. After my scrimmage I kept thinking about N and wondering if he’s doing okay. I hope he is okay and monday morning I'm going to go see him and leave the rest of my mentees in their tiger times.
December 19, 2016: N was okay during the weekend but that injury he attained from last thursday is still hurting. I'm still trying to figure out how to get him to go to the nurse. Also when I got home today the two gifts I ordered arrived in the mail. OKC Thunder socks from E.G. and even though he’s not my mentee anymore, Celtics socks for X.R. For K and N.C., I’m still waiting for their gifts to come into the mail.
December 22, 2016: N opened up a lot more to both me and another mentor. He now has rust in us and I gave him the speech to think of us at school as a family to come too whenever he needs it. His face lit up when I said this and he said no one has told him that before and showed some much care into his own personal issues. I think this kid just needs more love and a consistent family in order to perform better in school. I was proud to hear during the day he gave another student a talk about getting sent to inside school suspension. He’s already changing for the better in this short period. N.C., has also showed a more loveable side tohi. Today it was completely different. I brought him to class and told him to behave and make me proud today but he wouldn’t go in the room. I asked him what and he poked my chest 3 times and he called me “bro”. I was thinking in my head “what is he talking about about, what does he want ?”. He then got cheesy and from past experiences with working with these kids, I knew what that meant. He wanted a hug so I gave him one and he got happy and finally went to class. I never thought he would ever want a hug like that. Especially cause he acts “hard” and always has a guard up. It felt weird but I guess even the kids who act hard, need a hug like that. When I saw him after school before he left he wanted the same thing,
December 23, 2016: E.G. bought me a sweater and joggers for christmas presents. I was shocked that he went that length to get me presents for christmas. I gave him his and he was happy. K, didn’t expect a christmas present. His face glew up, especially when he saw all that candy in the bag. I told him I meant everything I wrote on the card. Later that day, I’m assuming he read the card, he walked up to me and gave me a hug. I never seen him act like that but me and another mentor were in shock when we did it. N.C. was happy when he received his and said thanks for caring about him. The bell rang so I couldn’t give X.R. his present in the morning so I was going get him at 2:20 but another mentor already pulled him out.When I went to him in the library he handed me a christmas card. This was completely unexpected because we barely talked after he switched mentors. I then sat him down and said, “Whether I’m your mentor or not, I’m still going to care about you, check on your grades and try and help you in the shadows now.” he started getting cheesy and then I pulled my bag out and gave it to him. His face started getting red in shyness and he was so happy. He looked in it and said that a lot of candy and then he saw the wrapped gift and didn’t say anything else but sit there smiling. I told him I meant every word on that card and that his card took me the longest to write. I gave him a hug before we left and he got all red again and walked upstairs to get his stuff. I stood at my usual spot to say goodbye to all the kids and he walked by and with the biggest smile that I haven’t seen in awhile and that shy red face and waved goodbye. I read his card and he wrote,” ...I appreciate everything you did. You inspired me when you said you won’t give up.. Ever since you helped me get on the team I have been trying to my hardest to be more mature… I feel more comfortable in school because of you.” I never expected X.R to say any of this but it was touching. Later today, I got a call from X.R. mom who said X came home very happy. He came home and said he wanted to read her something. He read the card I wrote for him to her. She said he was emotional about it and that he didn’t know that I still cared about him like that and that I still believed in him. And lastly today Daquan and I sent our mentor a candy cane as a thank you for being our mentor.
January 5, 2017: N. was scared to tell me that he was thinking about leaving SMSA. He wanted to tell his mom but he hasn’t yet. When I asked why he couldn’t give me a real reason. I gave him one of my speeches and told him basically that at SMSA, he has people who care about him even though he doesn’t feel that way and that here there's a mentoring program where he has someone to talk to about anything, at another school he may not get the same opportunities as he has here and people who care about him. He said “there’s only you that actually cares and I don't care if I don't”. I told he should really think about this choice he wants to make and if he is serious about it. I kept talking and at the end I told whether he decides to go to a new school or not, he has my number and I'm always here when he wants to talk. At the end of the day he said why do you care so much if I leave. I told him to answer that question himself. It was awkward 1 minute while he was thinking but then he said, “Jeff I'm going to fail the 7th grade”. I told him he won't if he changes his attitude about school and that he’s not going to have do it alone. I reassured him that we will pass the 7th grade together. He mumbled, “together?” After that I brought him back to class and heard from the teacher who seemed surprised that he finished all his work. To be honest I was actually kind of surprised too. I hope he continues on to next week.
January 14, 2017: E.G. mother voiced some concerns she had, when we talked a bit after she dropped E.G.off to Saturday Hoopsters. Some concerns were E.G. focus in school and effort decreasing because of some distractions at school. After we talked I told her I’ll talk to E.G. about it to see what’s going on in the classroom. Also today, E.G. was put on the my team (the black squad) for Saturday Hoopsters. He was very happy that I was his coach and he was thrilled that his friend from school whom also participates in the Saturday Hoopsters was put on the blue team.
January 18, 2017: N needed help on his midterms for three of his classes today so I helped him reading over questions carefully for him to understand. N is very different from all the other kids I have mentored because it takes more time for him to understand what I’m going over, so it's a challenge maintaining patience and giving constant encouragement. After he finished his finals he thanked me and asked if he was going to pass the 7th grade. I told him not to worry about it and study for tomorrow’s exams.
January 21, 2017: E.G. did good at Saturday Hoopsters, a basketball program I put him in, He isn’t used to me coaching him but he enjoyed his first game scoring 2 points.
January 22, 2017: Daquan and I discussed the terms of the mentoring meeting tomorrow to see how we are going to encourage our mentors to keep seeing their children. He has also proposed that we send a feedback paper for the teachers, parents and mentees. Also earlier today I started my weebly website and made the pages. I put my proposal letter in there along with some design of the Home page.
January 28, 2017: At Saturday Hoopsters, there was this one player who is in jeopardy of failing the eighth grade. His mom didn't come to practice that day but his brother was there. I didn’t know he was in jeopardy of failing or know about his home situation until he got knocked out of a game of knock out and sat between me and my assistant coach. He is easily the best player on our team and I asked what school he went and more general questions. When I asked why he didn't come last practice he explained that his mom and dad were separated so he goes to each house every other week. This was my first red flag in my head and then I asked about his grades and he told me honestly that he has C’s and D’s. The mentor in me kicked in and I pulled I talked to him after practice, and he shared with me that he didn't have a support system and no one has really taken an interest in his grades or doesn't have anyone to talk to about personal things except for 2 of his friends. After hearing all this I decided to take him on as a mentee, which he was very excited about. I thought to myself , just because I mentor at SMSA does not mean I can't expand and mentor other children outside of SMSA.I feel like he needs the support of a mentor especially if he wants to continue to play for my team.
January 30, 2017: I have reached the “testing” phase with E.G.. Recently he has been complacent with the much improved grades from last marking period to the point where he feels as though he doesn’t have to put in effort anymore. Today I am going to have a sit-down with him and bring the connection back. The testing phase is probably my least favorite about mentoring but I believe having a sit-down and addressing now will minimize this phase. It is also a good learning stretch as well, and learning how to keep a kid on track.Hopefully the sit down works and I won’t have to email his mom.
February 3, 2017: I am proud of N.C. for changing completely into a student who now cares about his grade. Although he did get in trouble today, usually when he is angry he doesn’t talk and walks away from people but today he didn’t. He did it to his teacher and some of his friends but when I went to talk to him he came with me, sat down and told me the story of what happened. I believe the connection and bond me and N.C. has is much better and stronger. Within 5 minutes of telling me the story, we talked and his mood changed from angry to happy and laughing. I also told him a story about something I did in middle school that was very similar to what he did and we both had a laugh about it. For the years I have been mentoring I have learned that in order to get a kid to open up more and trust you, you have to get on their level through self-disclosure. This has worked for every single one of my mentees and I think it's something I need to bring up in the next mentor meeting,
February 8, 2017: I pulled one of the mentors, mentees out of class so they can make her a valentine day card and prepare for a senior night for her. I know it will make her happy but I was surprised on how happy her mentees got. They all really appreciate what their mentor has done for them and I appreciate all the help she has given to this program as well. For senior night, they will make poster and for valentine day they all just made cards for her with some great comments. I also discussed an end of the year idea with them. We came up with all of them taking a picture with her and then I would go to CVS , turn it into a photo and frame the pictures. Then at the end of year each gets to keep on and they all give her one as she goes to college eight hours away,
February 10, 2017: I worked on my website lot today, adding more artifacts and my school picture. I also talked to my new mentee from Classical Magnet, X.C. to check in on how he's doing academically and behaviorally. X.C. really looks up to me as his basketball coach and someone who really cares about him academically. Over the phone, he said he “respects” everything I am doing for him.
February 12, 2017: I finished the about me on my website and attached my research paper onto the website with a few design edits.
February 16, 2017: I think I am beginning to notice the jealousy pattern within E.G. He is slacking in every single one of his classes and I think it's a look for my attention purposely. On Tuesday, I will have a sit down with him and see what’s wrong and how we can get back on track.
February 21, 2017: X.C is beginning to open up to me about his home life. I encouraged him to speak with his guidance counselor at school to get the legal help he needs. X.C. thanked me for everything I done for him so far and is happy about having an extra support for him.
February 24, 2017: I had Alexis’ mentees make her posters for the cheerleaders senior night. She was happy to get the posters. My kids also made me posters and came to the game, which was nice.
March 9, 2017: Elijah is no longer jealous. I believe he was just spacing out in class because he didn’t understand the material really well. J.R. is behaving well and likes the idea of having a mentor. JM-W had an issue with selling shoes at school and giving people large sums of money, in which I informed my mentor, the vice principal, and she called home.
March 13, 2017: My mentees came to support our basketball team in the quarterfinals but unfortunately we lost. As soon as I got home I saw a lot of messages, the majority coming from them, telling me “keep your head up” and “don't get down on yourself, just like you tell me”. It was nice to receive these messages but one message was very surprising, as I haven’t talked to this kid for about a month. X.R. texted me saying, “good game Jeff, don't worry, keep ballin in college.” When I responded saying thanks and I appreciate his message, he began to tell me that he had the feeling that he lost a brother. He told me that he wants to become like me and is going to start acting like me so people can like him and his grades will be better. I told him to to focus on making you, not replicating me but he insisted that he wanted to become a role model student just like me. I was surprised to see this. Subsequently he said, “even when your bad side comes out, I always thought of you as a brother. When your with your kids it makes me feel capable that I can do the same when Im in highschool.” X.R. opened up a lot to me and the conversation ended with him realizing that leaving was a mistake, The highlight of the conversation is when he said, “Of course I think of you as my brother, you got me on the BASKETBALL TEAM, somethin I been dreaming to play on in high school, you made my behavior better… you made my life great and I loved being in school.” This was very surprising to me and it actually made me feel good about what I do. I thought to myself that he finally realized that when I was being hard on him, it was to help him. After having this conversation another carried over for the next two days in which he expressed to me that he still reads a christmas card that I gave him every morning to help him be ready for school. It was nice to know that he has kept that card and still reads it.
E.G. on the other hand is become too critical of himself and loses faith when something is hard. I got him to play for the Saturday hoopsters but now I am trying to get him on an AAU team so he can gain confidence in his skills to try out for the high school team.
March 22, 2017: As the year is coming to a close, I have thought oh what is going to happen with the mentoring program in the future. Honestly, I don’t know if the program will have the positive impact is has now on kids in the next few years. I am currently taking a mentee I had last year, K.R and showing him the ropes of mentoring in hopes he can become a great mentor. X.R and E.G. both aspire to be a mentor and both have said they wanted to learn how I do it. Although this made me happy that they are interested in mentoring, this doesn’t solve the solution of what is going to happen next year with the program. I am currently having the most involved mentors find a Junior who has the heart and passion that we have to help the kids of SMSA. As of now this person is unknown.
March 24, 2017: X.R stayed after school today and explained that everything he did was to attain attention from me. He wanted my attention because he wanted me to like him. Honestly, I was blind to see that everything he did was to get my attention. This is a place where I can improve the most. Usually I am good at reading my mentees feelings and why they are doing things but X.R. is a different case. This goes to show that some kids are completely different and have completely different ways to express how they feel. I have learned a lot as a mentor and just as a person. When he thanked me again for the overall lesson, I realized even though it's hard to give a hard lesson and let a kid reach rock, I think it was very beneficial to him and to me. I did the same lesson to a mentee I had my Junior year and I had the same results. I think this is one of the hardest parts of mentoring.
Also, I heard from N.D. who hasn’t come to school for about 30 days. I am going to talk to my mentor about him and see how I can communicate with him.
March 29, 2017: I Spoke with all my mentee this morning again about how the year is almost coming to a close and that they will have to be able to be independent on most of their work. some were upset about it but all my 8th graders will be going 9th grade next year so they will have to be the most independent when coming to work. X.R went on a field trip today but before the field trip I did my normal routine which is to greet each kid in the morning. When he left the library I had assumed they went on their trip. As I was having my other kids sign my poster board, he came back and said he forgot something. He went back to where he was before but he didn't appear to be looking for anything to me. He then called me away from everyone else and gave me a hug. I said was that what you forgot, and his face glew red of shyness. My mentee from classical has been in the stage of giving me hard time about work. I will have to figure out a different approach for him because his home situation is different from any other of the kids I have ever mentored.Figuring it out will be a challenge.
March 30, 2017: Trying to pull away from helping, E.G. got upset with me and told me I didn;t tell him to goonto the net page or I didn't tellhim to move to the front of the class. It seems as though he wants me to tell him everything instead of using his own common sense and judgement. Im glad I started pulling back now intstead of later because that would have been a hard/bad habit to get rid of.
April 18, 2017: I am honestly impressed with how well my mentees are doing academically and behaviorally. Each and every one of them have come so far and I am proud of them for their progress. This month with the new Hartford Yardgoats stadium opening up, I plan on taking them to one of the yardgoats baseball games for thier effort this year.